Surprise Surprise
by Airotia
Summary: Orochimaru gets interested in what Jiraiya is writing while he's bored. JiraiyaOrochimaru Jiraiya and Orochimaru are about 18 or so


**Surprise, Surprise**

_Scritch scritch._

Orochimaru hated that sound. He hated the fact that, even right after training, Jiraiya was writing _those_ kinds of things down in his little notebook. It would be _tolerable_ if it were only writing—but no, Jiraiya couldn't stop there. He had to put it into manga form. And, of course, Sarutobi refused to do anything about it—at the end of everyday, he would _confiscate_ it, only to return it the next morning, but he'd never actually **stop** the writing.

_Scritch scritch… **scratch scratch scratch scratch.**_

Orochimaru hated that scratch sound even less. It meant Jiraiya messed up—and when he messed up, he'd darken the entire box with the pencil markings, covering up his mistakes furiously, enraged at the paper for allowing itself to hold the errors in Jiraiya's writing.

"So, what's the plot this time, Jiraiya?" Orochimaru muttered boredly. Nothing interesting was going on. No murders, no maiming, no worthy missions—absolutely _nothing_ was going on, aside from using training. And that was never enough for Orochimaru.

"Ahh, nothing!" Jiraiya called out, slamming his book shut.

'_What an idiot,'_ Orochimaru thought, _'If he really didn't want me to know, why make it seem so… interesting? Of course, if it was his usually erotica, he'd describe it in detail. But there's something… different about this one. What's his dirty little secret, hmm? He probably based a character off of a big-chested Tsunade… Ch, if I showed that to her, she'd pulverize him…'_

And, at that moment, Orochimaru knew how to keep him from being bored.

"Let me see," Orochimaru commanded, holding out his hand. "It's not often I'd want to see your… work," he added with a smirk.

"Well, you can't see this," Jiraiya pouted, firmly holding the book to his chest.

Idiot.

"Jiraiya, really. You know I could simply **take** the book in an instant. Why put up a fight?" Orochimaru reasoned. If Jiraiya didn't listen to his warning—which Orochimaru knew he wouldn't, really—he'd simply snatch the book. Which would be the easy, not-so-interesting part. Perhaps Orochimaru could use it as blackmail—no, he already had enough blackmail on Jiraiya to last forever. Seeing immediate punishment would be more entertaining.

"I said **no**," Jiraiya growled.

Orochimaru sighed. He had warned him, of course. Within a minute, Orochimaru had summoned some rather large snakes. Within ten seconds after that, Jiraiya had been knocked down to the ground. Five seconds after that, the notebook was in Orochimaru's hands.

"Thank you for your cooperation," Orochimaru muttered, commanding the snakes to hold him down while he read his more recent drawings. He flipped to the back, only to simply glance at it and make sure it was Tsunade.

He stared, transfixed and horrified at the images. He felt surges of anger, rage, and the want to _kill Jiraiya_ run through him.

For, the contents of the page were not of Jiraiya and Tsunade, but of Jiraiya and **himself**.

Now, Orochimaru knew he was a damn sexy man (1). He could forgive daydreams, musings about his body coming from Jiraiya. Who could help it?

The problem was, that Orochimaru wasn't the one on top. For some unconceivable reason, Jiraiya imagined that, if they were to actually have sex with each other, that Orochimaru would be the submissive one.

"What is the meaning of this?" Orochimaru demanded, his voice a low growl. Jiraiya gulped.

"W-well… I-I, u-um… S-see I-I don't have many g-girls who like reading m-my, uh, w-work, and…" Jiraiya began. Orochimaru raised up a deadly, but silencing, hand.

"Not **_that_**. Why am **I **the woman? I am _stronger_ than you, Jiraiya. If you believe, for one **millisecond**, that I'd actually _**submit**_to you…" Orochimaru's voice was rising in it's level of menace, and Jiraiya began fearing more and more for his life.

But, like hell he'd go out without pissing Orochimaru off as much as possible.

"Well," Jiraiya began with a smirk, knowingly writing his own painful, _excruciating_ death sentence, "It's just that you are so girly with that long hair, and you really do have large hips… It's just that you look like you'd be uke. I mean, you seem to have a naturally submissive personality compared to mine… Without you using some kind of strange jutsu, I could probably force you under me…"

Orochimaru couldn't believe that he burned with a passion to _prove him damn wrong_—by any means necessary. Aside from actually raping the other man, there was only way to do it. And Orochimaru thought of it without really thinking.

He bent down, and grasping the sides of Jiraiya's face, forced his tongue inside of Jiraiya's mouth. Jiraiya struggled at first, but after only a few seconds of Orochimaru's long, naturally _skillful_ tongue sliding along his, Jiraiya began to submit.

After a few seconds, when Orochimaru needed to breathe, he pulled away and stared at Jiraiya, his yellow orbs locking onto Jiraiya's eyes. "Your manga didn't go anything like that, now did it, Jiraiya?" he asked coyly.

"Damn… you…" Jiraiya muttered, secretly wanting more. Okay, so it wasn't so much of a secret—Orochimaru could read that he wanted more just from looking at his eyes instead of his mouth.

"Liar," Orochimaru mumbled softly, accusingly, at Jiraiya's words, challenging them. Orochimaru stood up, and instructed the snakes to release their hold on Jiraiya. He backed away, and without looking backwards at Jiraiya, began walking away, knowing that Jiraiya would call out before Orochimaru was out of his eyesight.

"W… Wait, Orochimaru!" Jiraiya called out, running after Orochimaru, who had just began to walk towards the exit from the forest. Orochimaru scoffed slightly to himself, a small smirk on his lips. Of course.

When Jiraiya caught up to the snake-user, Jiraiya snarled out, "Finish what you start."

"What I start…?" Orochimaru asked questioningly, unsure of what exactly he meant. After all, unlike Jiraiya, Orochimaru wasn't a huge pervert. He knew basics, but basic 'tab A goes into slot B' sort of things.

"Look down," Jiraiya commanded with a blush, averting his gaze from Orochimaru, obviously embarrassed.

"Oh. I see," Orochimaru muttered. "How is this my problem?" he asked.

Jiraiya snorted. "Oh? Well, we both have similar problems, it appears," he retorted, mocking Orochimaru's formal way of speaking.

"Ah," Orochimaru replied simply.

----

"You didn't say they were going _that_ far," Tsunade hissed to Sarutobi. They had been the ones who had begun the entire thing—simply by having Tsunade tell Jiraiya that he should write out his _own_ fantasies, not the fantasies of others.

"Are you complaining?" Sarutobi asked. He had not watched the _ordeal_, but Tsunade had. In fact, Tsunade had practically drooled at every second of it.

Tsunade's face turned beat red, from a deadly mixture of anger and humiliation. "That doesn't make a difference! They shouldn't be doing such things out in the middle of the forest! Anyone could walk in and see them!" she hissed back.

"Ahh, yes, but it takes a special kind of person to walk in, or stalk in our cases, and then **enjoy** it. I, myself, have been blocking out the sounds and sights of those two ravaging each other by reading. You, however, nearly fell out of the tree countless time," Sarutobi pointed out.

"Damn you, sensei. Damn you," Tsunade muttered.

Meanwhile, below and about fifty feet away from the tree the two of them were currently residing in, Jiraiya pressed his sweat-soaked chest against Orochimaru's. "They were watching the entire time," he commented.

"I know. Let's try making Tsunade **really** fall out of the tree this round. Maybe you can make it past ten seconds," Orochimaru said with a smirk.

They managed to do both of them.

**A/N: Most perverted thing I've ever written. I might end up rewriting it later to include a lemon instead of only ecchi things. I hope you all enjoyed!**


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